From what you’ve told me, it seems as if you are suffering from depression. I am not a professional and can’t diagnose you but suicidal thoughts, self harm, extreme forms of self hatred, and mental breakdowns are all signs of a mental imbalance and sound most like depressive behavior.
You are not being pathetic and don’t let anyone make you believe that your feelings aren’t valid.
You are not stupid, you are a brilliant star in the night sky brimming with potential. Even if you don’t excel in a particular topic in school, it doesn’t make you stupid. I am ridiculously bad at math but that doesn’t make me stupid.
Fat is a descriptor word, not an insult. I will repeat that: fat is a descriptor word, not an insult. Regardless of your body type, your body contains fat because that’s how human anatomy works. This is how our body works, so please don’t shame your body for working to keep you alive. Fat does not mean ugly, worthless, hideous, or unattractive. And anyone who uses that word to define someone as those things needs to reevaluate their vocabulary.
You’re not allowed to say that no one likes you because here I am talking to you, which means I like you. I care about you. And you haven’t even lived through your life- think of all the people you haven’t met yet. They’re going to like you. Some of them will even love you, in every sense of the word. To the world, you may be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.
You are not hopeless. You are going to live an amazing life and make a difference. I know things might not be going how you’d like them to do but that doesn’t mean that they will stay shitty forever. You will conquer whatever darkness is in your head and you will make it through this battle.
You’re not alone in this and you have permission to ask for help. You have permission to be human.
I’m really glad that you’re still in existence and I’m so proud of you for making it through another day.
Please consider talking to a school counselor or making an appointment with someone to start your journey towards recovery.
You deserve good things. You deserve life and happiness and smiles and laughter and hope.
Don’t give up. Please. Life is worth living. So stick around to live through it and see for yourself~
Keep moving forward! I’ll always be here for you~
If you ever need anything else, either contact me privately or go to my recovery/advice blog~